BBC2009 – Day Two Post

Describe what your perfect Second Life day would be like.

I like you.    No, not the you in general (I barely tolerate you).   I mean the picker of the question.

Since I had that day just oh…..last week I think it was, I can tell you all about it.

I pulled my viewer up to quite the surprise.    There was Bono (no, not the one having gender reassignment – the rock star one).    It was a little awkward at first since we had a pretty nasty split.    I said some pretty nasty things (“will you please shut the hell up about the problems of the world and make another record like Joshua Tree so I stop hating you?”).    And he said some pretty nasty things (“how many MTV awards you do you have yank bitch?”).

Man, this was awkward.       “umm….hi Bono” I said.

“Adric”  Bono began.  “I’m sorry man.    You were right.   I’ve been a self-righteous annoying pious prick for so long I guess I just lost sight of what is important.  That is you Adric.  It always has been.   I want you to have this MTV award.   I love you.”

We broke down.    He got back in his limo and I closed my viewer.   He was right.    Never loose sight of what is important.  I pulled up E Bay and listed the MTV award.

So right.    There you go.  My perfect day.   Piss off.

Still there?

Damn.

Look.  This question is a minefield.    I blog about SL because I like love it.   Part of that love is going to cause me to be unable to write what I know the rest of the bloggers are.   “Less drama, less lag, less Adric, etc”.

Don’t you get it?    Taking those annoying things away changes the nature of your blog topic.     What the hell would I write about?    Do you really want to read 1000 words on how no one pissed me off and there was not a single technical problem?    I sure as hell wouldn’t.

Some of the examples of when I felt the best about SL are when SL beat the hell of me.

• Hours and hours of trying to get an image with an alpha channel from Photoshop to SL.   I must have imported several hundred blank images, black ones, etc.   When I saw my first image in SL that worked with alpha- it felt really good.
• My first shirt.  No gaps at the seams, my design, my creation.   Worth all the time.
• Weeks of torture that will one day land the AC3D people in jail for crimes against humanity.   How many lumps of shit did I import into SL before I finally saw my first sculpted prim?    Too many, but that first object I created off world that I was able to import was a real high.
• Understanding how tier, membership, and the land purchase system worked, finding land, and being a landowner for the first time.
• Looking at Xstreet figures showing maybe 1 in 10 who looked at my free item bothered to spend 0L and get it the same day I got an IM thanking me for an item.
• Hateful IMs/email that’s existence means someone is reading.  If no one is annoyed you are either boring or no one reads.
• Getting banned.    The first time “you are banned from this region” popped up I was hurt, now it’s sort of an honor I am worth the effort.

Okay.   Are we good now?

WTF dude?    Come on.

Fine.

Adric’s perfect day.     I get on and the client tells me people from my friend’s list that I know left back in ’07/’08 are on.   They tell me they are sorry they ever left.    I get a group message from areas I know have gone under like The Land of Doctor Who.   I teleport over and it’s there again.    The owner tells me an anonymous person paid his tier three years in advance.

Then my email starts to go crazy.    All the blogs that stopped frozen in time aback in ’07/’08 are back and want me to link to them.    I laugh and say no only to see more email from the old SL bloggers who moved their theme to general MMO/Lively/Metaplace or lame rip-offs in genera have emailed me as well.   They also want links so they can make amends for their treachery.     I tell them what they can go do to themselves  (hey – it’s my perfect day – back off).

On to my daily blog reading.    I open my favorite naughty site and find an open letter saying that in retrospect perhaps a piece on a one-hour abortion clinic (with pictures) was a little more polarizing than they planned.   If anyone took it personally, it was humor and not offense that was intended and they would like to move on.     Still confused (and a little blue balled for naughty reading) I give up and go to my favorite offended site.    Do I find offense?  Not in the least.     Yet another open letter saying that any open arguments over articles with unfortunate pictures of a topic that is hard to troll for humor are now settled and they would be joining the naughty blog folks on a week long trip to Branson where they planned to see Jim Stafford and Tony Orlando.

Well,  by now I would have been gob smacked to not find an open letter on my favorite fashion blog.    It spoke of the desire to be less weasel like in all ways.    To find that line between blog and sales catalog and make it clear which they ran.   To worry less about the free items others distribute and more about their own products.   To disclose when they “review” a product they were compensated for or  if it is made by a friend, and quit the entire walking around like they are Ralph Loren  or anything more than a pixel pusher.

This is too much.   I feel like I am in a Mentos commercial.     I could die today and be happy.   I really could.   But first, let’s hit the 324 blogs that will always be kind of sad.   I wrote their open letter for them since they are busy.    I said they would talk to each other so the “there is too much drama” piece can be coordinated and not run in 142 blogs on the same day.    They would quit running tutorials on things everyone knows like adding friends.    They would close Plurk and spend that time instead on their grid getting topics to blog about.      I thanked myself for them and went home.

Wait.   This is my perfect day.    Why the hell is there is a noob protester demanding I be held accountable for my lame noob jokes?    And Hippo terrorist?     I got rid of him ages ago.    He can’t still be mad at me.   We are buds.     My mom?    Come on.    I was kidding.     I didn’t try and give myself away (no one was taking anyway).

This cannot be my dream day.    Wait.    I don’t recall this big red button here before.    “Press In Case of Emergency and  STAND BACK”.

Okay.     This better work.

<4.5 minutes later>

Oh the carnage.    The things I have seen.   It’s like a blur.    I remember pressing the button and out comes Kate from John & Kate Plus Eight and she is insane violent drunk.    She calls to her drinking buddy and the sight alone of Octomom causes me to pee myself a little bit.     Had I of only known the path of destruction they were about to unleash clearing my property of everyone who was being mean to me.

An arm here, leg there, people screaming in terror and then agony as the unstable moms attack.    It was horrifying.

Best day ever.