Teddy Wants to Learn

Many years ago I learned the best way to deal with rumors, paranoia, and just plain ignorance is to shine the light of truth and righteousness on them.

At first I had no idea where Teddy got the idea I was exercising less than amazing fiduciary duty as custodian of his money, blowing it on cars, fancy toys, and amusement parks, but when he showed me the itemized list on Eggy's LLC letterhead, I knew two things.  First, she was a sneaky cat.  Second, I would be getting a bill for auditing and accounting services.

"All lies boy.  Lies I tell you."

"Really?"

"Of course child.  The only cars I buy are to get you around in comfort, I am too old for toys, and you know damn well you want to go to Disneyworld every Wednesday."

"I do love the teacup ride."

"See boy?  Now, what is all this concern over money about anyway?"

"I am worried about my education."

"Oh, I see.  What is the highest grade you completed?"

"I watched "Head of the Class" on Nick at Night."

"Howard Hesseman and Billy Connolly episodes?"

"Oh yes.  I liked them both."

"Well, that is a start, but you know I did not have any education and I did very well for myself."

It was at this point the boy started to sob uncontrollably, so we drove over to the Learning Plaza Shopping Center.

The boy wanted to make the best impression, so I tossed my beloved sidearm and pistol belt in the trunk.  I tucked a compact .40 in my boot just in case the boy needed protection.  Did he ever.

Transcripts, applications, signatures, irrelevant questions like would he be on my shoulder during classes.  What sort of new world order bullshit is this?  I am a veteran for FSM's sake.  I fought against this stuff.  Or WMDs or something.  Hell if I know.    I had to make a moving speech to win them over.   I told them of my unlikely time in college after I was discovered solving a hella hard math problem on a chalk board as a lowly janitor.  When she claimed this was the plot of a motion picture (which I never watch) I was reaching for the .40 when I decided instead to open my private life even more and tell the inspiring tale of my time at Notre Dame when I begged the coach to suit me up for just one game and the crowd chanted "Adric! Adric!".  What woman?  Who the hell is Rudy?

Oh, I see.  You want this?  Don't you?  I pulled out what they wanted.  Security came.  I put it back in my pants and pulled out a wad of cash.  The boy was in.  

On the way home, the boy asked me what he should study.  Balls I said.  Balls.  He asked what the hell I was talking about and I told him if you have the balls as an avatar without so much as payment info on file to post your expertise as Kevin fucking Cosner from The Bodyguard, you will go far in life.

I popped an 8-track in.

I've long since retired and my son's moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind."
He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kid's got the flu,
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad.
It's been sure nice talking to you."
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He'd grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.

Not if I have my way he won't.  Wait.. Shit, this is not Kiss.  My bad Teddy.

Getting late
I just can't wait
Ten o'clock and I know I gotta hit the road
First I drink, then I smoke
Start up the car, and I try to make the midnight show

Get up, everybody's gonna move their feet
Get down, everybody's gonna leave their seat

I am one to steal, but try to be honest when doing so.  My sudden interest in posting song lyrics is not a flash of inspiration, it's something Crap Mariner does that I think is pretty damn cool.

Tagged as: Second Life