I do not have my finger on the pulse of pop culture. This is most noticeable when someone sends me a link to a song parody. Having not heard the original, I just do not get it.
Such is the case for the Justin Bieber "Baby" parody which had me very confused until I hit Google and then it got worse. While I guess I get the parody now, I am confused as to just when Justin became a name for little girls. I'm not even going to bother attacking a song with a chorus as brilliant as;
And I was like
Baby, baby, baby ohhh
Like baby, baby, baby noo
Like baby, baby, baby ohh
That little girl looks like she is trying to shit btw.
Wow. but that is not my point – oh wait, I forgot. Ludacris comes out and starts rapping with this little girl. I am totally not making that up. I swear. Way to keep it real, gansta. Where was I? Oh yeah, this is some crazy shit here. Stephen Baldwin and the collection plate.
I missed "The Usual Suspects" the first time around, but caught it last month when a friend recommended it. Great film, but I had a question. All of the ensemble cast went on to be big stars. Except one. Stephen Baldwin. If not for reality shows he would be bankrupt. Wait, he filed for that. My bad.
So what happened? And what the hell is this?
Well kids, this site wants us to send Stephen some money. No, really. They say he needs it. Why? Well, this is the good part.
Q- What happened to his wealth?
A- When he became an outspoken Christian in 2002 his income went down by 70% when he refused roles with gratuitous sex and violence.
Oh. I see. Well, at least he isn't begging. Well, sort of. He did approve of this site and thus my problem. Before I would take charity, I would do gay porn. I would do two girls one guy one cup. I would have a better taste with cock or shit in my mouth knowing I was a bigger man than this idiot. Oh, I know – it's easy for me to say this since I am so not getting that porn job at my age and shape, but maybe there is a fetish for this guy, and let me tell you – I could pull that role off. Poppin' fresh humpin' baby. Please do not sue me Pillsbury. Oh like you read this.
Worse of all? He has kids. A man supports his family. I could look my son in the eye and tell him I smoked pole long before I could tell him I took charity. There is an example in there for him somewhere amongst the porn and crap I hope that while I do not want that for him (unless that is what he wants) – I would fight a bear or step in the ring with Mike Tyson to provide for him.
Would I take charity to feed my kids as a last resort? Oh course, but I do not see this site as that. Is this money for food?
Q- Why does Stephen need personal wealth?
A- Stephen’s influence is in Hollywood. Hollywood worships money and without it you are seen as a loser and cannot be an effective influence to this group.
Q- How much money does he need?
A- From what I read in public court documents Stephen needs several million dollars to pay all of his creditors but he deserves hundreds of millions for his Job like faithfulness in the face of relentless loss and persecution.
Well, no – it is not. It's for some Job (and not job as in blow, job as in the central character of the Book of Job) thing since the site feels Baldwin is so like him.
Stephen, get your stupid ass in the direct to video market like Rutger Hauer and the other career mistakes so you do not have to do this shit. If your God is as great as you say, he will not judge you.
