A friend was telling me about a bachelorette party (it is like a bachelor party but without hookers) and I heard something that made me think. As I understood this, her son jumped out of a cake naked for her daughter.
Sure, assume all you want, but I have known parents who call you "he" years into marriage with their daughter. Staying at their home is not only frigid with their passive aggression, it is simply impossible to have sex with their daughter even if she is all over you. You just know they will never like you and may go to violence if they hear you on top of their sweet girl that you must have brainwashed to make marry your worthless ass.
So I asked. Of course she was referring to her soon to be son as such. This should have been the end for me, but it was not. What if a brother wanted to jump out of a cake for his biological sister? What business is that of mine? It could be the most innocent thing in the world. Which is of course why we need to warp the hell out of this before we try and sell the show. Yes, a show. I am telling you this is the sort of thing people want to see. They may not know they want to see it, but they have not seen my take on it yet.
How do you get a show on the air?
First, you need a twist. What is that you ask? It's a twist, idiot. Why a twist you ask? Take "The A-Team". The twist is a cool van and guys with wicked cool personalities. Remove the twist and you have a show about homeless Vietnam veterans which people ignore on the street and on TV. No sale. "House MD" minus a pill popping asshole is "ER" and we all know how much that sucks ass. Perhaps the best example is of course "Friends" which is simply a 24 minute root canal without the release of getting to imagine a group of annoying idiots all die painfully.
One of the few ways to get a show on without a twist is a franchise. They will always want a show like another show until you get to something like "Law & Order: Flaming Bag of Shit on Doorstep Investigations". Yes, it is the same formula, but it is too watered down. Sort of like watching a police pursuit on British TV. They may enjoy watching a tiny panda car with a lawn motor engine chase an ever smaller car for some minor offense only to jump out unarmed and yell for the criminal to stop or they will continue to chase, but it only works as comedy in the US.
Second, you need to make sure your show has appeal. No, not to people who watch. To people who sell soap and candy bars. If they will not buy ads on your show, you will not last. This does not apply to the BBC who gets their money no matter what allowing them to make programming decisions based solely on what makes them look so very clever like 12 hours of Charles Dickens in prime time. No American TV executive has even tried or wanted to look clever (perhaps due to inability).
I think we can cross off appeal since I can sell the shit out of soap and am even willing to write products into the show. And twists? Let me tell you.
This brother stripped for his sister not because he is mentally unstable (for the most part), but because he wanted her to stop the wedding. Let's not go to motivation since yes – yet another twist! I will dick with people worse than Lost never really making it clear what the hell is up. Instead, we start as the sister has just vomited all over her gifts (ruining a perfectly good back massager). Her brother sees this disgust not as a sister having no interest in seeing her morbidly obese brother waving his pork and bean in her face, but as a sign from the gods of the stripping art that he needs to perfect his craft.
Some twist, huh? But wait! I have more twists than Michael J. Fox trying to write his name. His sister is also a lesbian which is twist times two when you find out she is an airline pilot always traveling. How will he win her over with all these twists?
I guess you will have to watch…..
Hey, stop that. There is no need to clear your browser history. I swear this will not go to the sheets (at least in season one). I envision a more journey oriented show. A bit like how David Banner on "The Incredible Hulk" went to a new town each show. As the brother comes into each town, he tries to get a job at a strip club and this is where we bring in a guest star each week like Wilford Brimley who plays a veteran stripper who passes on his wisdom to the brother on how to become a master of stripping and his sister's heart.
So yeah, I know NBC has a ton of time to fill with that Jay Leno mess, but I am having some trouble getting their attention for some reason. This is why it is important for you to let them (and any other network – I am not picky) know the reason you watch less television these days is because there is no show on that tells the story of a brother trying to win his sister with stripping.
I am open to suggestions on casting by the way.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks everyone for your patience (as if you had a choice) during the upgrade. There were a few points when the page may have loaded to some crazy looking shit (which I know is saying a lot considering).
Unlike your cheap ass who has the same stock theme as a 12 year old girl's Hannah Montana blog, I have an overpriced one to level the playing field since you can actually blog. I still screw it up. While the appearance has changed, this was due less to intent and more to this is what happened and it is best to stop before you make things worse.
I don't know why I do all this work. Do you appreciate it? I asked you to take the garbage our last night and there it still sits. Do not think for a minute I am taking it out just like if you want clean clothes you better put them in the basket. I am not your maid. Do you hear me? Turning that damn Xbox off! I am not kidding! I should of aborted you like your father wanted!!
Nothing. Don't worry about it. I need to get the trash and gather your laundry. See you at dinner.
I think a story such as this on the television would be an interesting change from that which I have been watching. I finally got to see the film " men who stare at goats" and I confess something, for a story I thought I knew so well, it had a very positive twist to it's message, even if they rewrote it for the screen I think it made for a wonderful entertaining kind of thing that I feel people should see.
Some of the little moments that were like "pictures" were quite wonderful, especially that one moment with George Cloony holding a baby goat and some guy in the background was carrying flowers. I remember silly moments like that because they are framed like images I have seen in artworks before personally. I think that this was an interesting touch to the story, that the visual and structure really created a positive creation.
I hardly wouldn't speculate why someone's brother would jump out of a cake naked because they don't approve of the guy that his sister was marrying, but you know, it may have to be something between the two guys and nothing to do with the sister. Could there be a gay theme there? If so I speculate it would be a topic mostly covered by Jerry Springer
I think Jerry Springer would be a great guest star. Perhaps even as the father.
Interesting story. I'm sure you made all that up right? LOL
Well, my stories are a complex mix of things. Much like hot dogs really.
Were I to talk about it, you might not want to spread yummy kraunt and mustard on them and gobble them up.
Are they a hot bro & sis? I mean I'm just asking, y'know… cos if they were hot I'd like, y'know… watch them… jus' sayin' like. I'd watch 'em.
HBA if you ever saw Twilight Zone, you've seen this already.