I have indeed seen the days and years of the future. While I can tell you that 2012 comes and goes without the world ending, I have seen things that make me wonder if a quick end would have been the humane way.
The things that haunt me. I don't mean like the late 2011 Britney Spears comeback album and tour. I mean things that make me wake up wet, screaming, confused, and unsure what this lady's name is or if I already paid her. Now that I think about it, she may not even be a real lady.
How have I seen these things? I wish I could share the secret of how to move forward in time, but the risk to you is too great. Instead, I will (like Macgyver) omit a needed step for your own safety. That needed step is the flux capacitor that you simply can't handle knowing about. Less vital are the engines, Red Bull fuel, full coffee pot (decaf will not work), about a quarter bag of weed, bong made from any vegetable (carrot worked for us) and a chair. We used an RV, but you can likely use any large object with wheels to put all this on (but keep in mind that RVs have toilets, beds, and other cool stuff the future is low on).
The activation of the process is also a step I am omitting for your wellbeing. I can however tell you it starts with the carrot and bag of weed.
About 30 minutes later your trip is complete. Get ready for the hard truth my friend.
As you may already be aware, people are always saying Second Life will be overtaken. For years they have been saying OpenSim would be the one to destroy our peaceful world and as we ignored that another threat came this year with the news Blue Mars would instead be the conquering army that enslaves us.
Never happen? Yeah, I used to say that too. Until I saw it. Look at this image. You can clearly see Blue Mars Grid Grinder 324a Series units attacking in Second Life. Note that like Blue Mars, each unit is nowhere near done and looks pretty much the same minus the vast majority is missing and parts that are in beta phase but not really above rough draft.
I was sure I was dead, but thanks to the courage of a brave soul who distracted these merciless mechanical beasts long enough for me to get my carrot lit, I was able to escape.
Part of me wanted to return home, but I had to know if we were able to mount a resistance and keep our freedom. Plus I had a lot of weed left, so I set course for 2014.
When I arrived I got online and sure enough Second Life blogs were many and Blue Mars (according to Wiki) had joined Lively as a world that started loud but quickly went away. Their Grid Grinder units were now in possession of the US Bankruptcy trustee to be sold so creditors could be paid off.
I was blazing up again to head home and catch Sanford and Son on TBS when I noticed something going on overhead. I asked a person what it was but they were running screaming something about OpenSim's inhumane weapon of obesity. Holy shit. OpenSim was exploiting a Second Life weakened by the Blue Mars war and they were playing hard. Hard and fat. I had to get the hell away from this but how? Greenies were on the ground kicking people in the shins and handing them OpenSim brochures. My only possible chance was a UH-60 Blackhawk guarded by only one Greenie laying on his iPod. I smashed his green skull in and was off.
My shot at freedom was snatched away as quickly as that green head was smashed when I was blocked by a huge bogey with miles of fatty tissue. I scanned the aircraft to see what weapons load was onboard. I couldn't believe my luck when I saw I was carrying two Slim Fast Fat Melter rockets. Fire one!
Damn. Not a fatal hit. I had to make this one count! Oh shit! She is engaging me. Take evasive action. Too late! I am hit!
Blackhawk down! Blackhawk down! Puff puff pass! Must go forward. Anything is better than this savage (and fat) time. I just hope this ugly chubby war is done by 2016.
If only. It was not only still raging on, Second Life blogs were a thing of the past. First OpenSim attacked the fashion blogs. They were more than willing to fight back, but were under the impression they would be sent free weapons to review which never came. It was a slaughter.
Next came the brainy sites with big words that were no match for a big woman.
OpenSim was on a roll and was sure the remaining blogs would be easy. They were not. A new order was formed. A line in the sand was drawn. The Alliance was born.
In the shadow of the one thing immune to OpenSim weapons technology, Walgreens, they planned their battle for their very existence.
I too would make my stand. Even if they claim the flag was too full for my picture. I don't need that to show what a hero I am.
I went right into battle. My stealth enabled me to get right up on the enemy. Close up to see the two OpenSim weapons orbs that spotted me about 30 seconds in. Where the hell is my support!! Pixelscoop 23 this is me! Adric 9 I mean. I need air support! Now! Urgent! And a new pair of undershorts please.
Within seconds he was overhead dropping a load of prim baby bombs that saved me. What a hero he is. And Headburro as well for carrying me back even with my pants situation. All of them are profiles of courage. I am proud to say their courage (and my expertise and bravery) did win the war. That and OpenSim ran out of money.
I called our brave warriors together to honor them. To let them know they were heroes that would never be forgotten. They got one day a year and could have a parade I said. I gave them certificates suitable for framing and bus tickets home. It is important that a peace time government take over now chosen by the people. Once they weren't terrified to come out of their homes anyway. Until then I would make the sacrifice of being the caretaker.
I gave the people my all for as long as I felt they needed me. When they said they were ready to govern themselves with that coup that ended up with me on trial, I complimented them on reaching that milestone and begged for my life.
In light of my many years of dedicated stewardship and careful destruction of evidence and witnesses disappearing, they decided to allow me to retire by returning me to my own time. They all came out to see me off. I got a little weepy (goodbye's are often hard) but I knew it was time.
Goodbye my dear friends of tomorrow. See you real soon.
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I'd always carry a fellow soldier back across the field – the fact your ringpiece was leaking brown fear only engorged my excitment. I did things to you while you were out that'll you'll only discover in your next PTSD flashback…
I figured. It’s why I was so quick to take over.
Well that and I was born to lead.
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