Eggy Loves Todd: Part One

I left work early today.   Just didn't feel like working.

Decided to head home, down some beers, and watch some TV.    This did not happen because- wait, let me start at the begriming.

People ask me how I met Eggy and it's an interesting story.   Having destroyed any and all relationships with humans, I went down to the pound to adopt a cat.   I asked to see cats that had the least time left before they were… well you know- killed.   The guy told me there were two about to put down that very day because they could find no one to take them.  Their mother was hit by a car and they had no one.   I wasn't looking for two cats, but I wanted to see if either would be right  for me.

The first one was adorable.  I started to pet him saying "Oh look at cute wittle kitty!".

"You are such a homo"  he said.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me.  How many cocks did you suck on the way over here?"

"I am not gay and that is a very offensive word!"  I said reaching out to smack the kitten to show him some manners. 

He pulled a knife on me and stole my wallet.

"So are we going home or not?"  he asked me counting my money.

"I don't think so"

"Then quit undressing me with your eyes, homo!" 

I moved on to his sister.  She was very sweet and she did not talk or rob me which was a plus.   After the guy helped me get my wallet back with the aid of some pepper spray we headed home together.

Once home she became very standoffish and began to walk on two paws which I found odd.   

"Are you sad because your mom got killed or because your brother is going to be put down?  I guess we can go get him but the name calling and robbery needs to stop"  I told her.

"That was all an act.  I don't want to die"

"Oh great.  You talk too."  

"I don't carry a knife and ask for things" she said in her defense. 

"That is a good.  Anyway, I meant what I said."

"She was a bitch anyway.  I think Todd pushed her in front of that car and I told him I could make you get him but he said he would rather be gassed than live with the homo."

"All the same.  I am sorry about your brother."

"Don't worry about Todd" she said.

The next day there was an odd story in the paper.  The man from the pound had been arrested on arson charges and later sent for mental evaluation after a fire at the pound and the wild story he told police involving a cat who pulled up in a truck (which looked a bit like mine) waving a shotgun (again, like mine) that liberated all the animals.  He claims one of the animals, a male cat, then tortured him before setting the pound on fire and fleeing.   Wow.  He was pretty fucking crazy.

I never did see Todd again but I know Eggy did.   Eggy had a purpose for doing things to me.  She found it funny or she wanted something.  Whenever something senselessly destructive happened I know who did it.   The time my pool was drained and filled with medical waste,  I know Todd did it.   All the times I woke up with piss (and one time shit) on me, I know Todd did it.  

Eggy loved her brother and anything he did she explained as his sense of humor.  As she used a hammer to pound at the concrete he had poured on me while I slept she said she knew deep down he liked me or wouldn't go to such extremes to kid me.    It wasn't that bad really.  He traveled around a lot so she only saw him every few years which I couldn't object to because he was the only family Eggy had except for me and seeing him made her happy.

So when I came home and saw there was no TV or anything really other than small fires burning I asked Eggy who sitting on the floor playing with her Lite Brite a question I knew the answer to.

"He is behind me with a knife.  Isn't he?"

"Nope"

"Gun?"

"Nope"

"Baseball bat"

"Maybe"

Tagged as: Second Life, second life blogs