“Hello there human dressed in odd clothes. My name is Eggy. I come from the trailer park down the street. I’m fed up with their shit and wonder if I might stay here”.
“Of course you may good friend. I am Chief Adric. They call me Little Big Mouth. My land is your land. Plenty of room for all”.
“Great, so where shall my area be?”
“Oh anywhere, we don’t really like to draw lines”.
“Great, so how about coming over to my trailer for a nice dinner to celebrate later?”
And they broke bread together and talked of contracts at this first Thanksgiving.
“Say, Adric. I know your people are very casual about land, but they were real litigious assholes back at the old park and I would feel better if you would just sign this”.
“I cannot read Eggy”.
“Why I am not shocked. All it says is you are giving me some land.”.
“I cannot give you what belongs to the gods”.
“Yeah, well they said it was cool and I am going to give you a signing bonus. This doll has powers and is very special to my people. If you fill it with water it pees too. And for a limited time only, I will let you sell your beads and shit on Eggy Marketplace”.
"We do not sell beads. We give them freely to all".
"Then you can list them and any other free items. No charge".
Content with these promises, Adric went home to sleep. When he awoke he saw something new.
“Eggy, I could not help but notice the fence there. It’s way over the area you said you would need”.
“About that, I have need of much more land. I just gained my independent from those bastards who oppressed and committed injustices against me so now I need room for slaves”.
“I see. I think”.
“So here is the deal. That paper you signed is invalid. I need you to move. Don’t worry, you can keep the doll. You will love this land I reserved for you. I like the sound of that, we shall call it a reservation. Oh, and your shit is cluttering up my marketplace. You need to pay to list free items now”.
“Eggy, I cannot accept this. You came with the offer of friendship. And dolls. Now I find you want no such thing”.
“Would a case of whiskey help?”
“If you do not allow us our freedom and open space, this will mean war between our people. I would still like that whiskey however”.
Adric went to prepare for war.
“I meet you in battle with a spear passed from generation to generation of mighty warriors!” Adric yelled as he charged.
“I bust a cap with a Smith & Wesson I picked up at that pawn shop on Main Street!” Eggy replied.
”You bitch! You shot me! What the hell? I was just going to poke you until you went back to your side”.
“Yeah, well we had an arrangement here. You need to go to this new place”.
“What about our contract?”
“I had my paws crossed”.
And Adric marched on the trail of kitty liter Eggy had set out and arrived. It was not the best place in the world, but it would be peace.
Peace it was for many a year until Eggy returned.
“Hello Adric. Long time no see. Say, we are having a war with the other trailer park and I wonder if you might enlist in my army and fight”.
“Sure”.
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“About that, I have need of much more land. I just gained my independent from those bastards who oppressed and committed injustices against me so now I need room for slaves”.
ROFL ROFL ROFL. Quote of the week.
yeah, its a mini "America, the abridged version of history, in modern terms" soap opera, I loved it! Naughty Eggy!!
Bwahahahahaha, we did that to the Welsh.
The sad thing HB, is that just about everybody has done it to somebody else at some point.
I knew there was a reason my Welsh blood fled. The Irish side was potatoes or something. I sort of nodded off when my grandma told the story. She had a lot of long stories. Most involved the great depression and what they had to eat (flowers, rocks, trees).
@Dio: Aye, sad thing indeed. It's one of the reason I think if there are any alien cultures out there, they won't be coming in peace :-/
@Adric: The Irish pioneered the art of rock eating, the Welsh the art of general misery, the Scots violence. I love being British
I don’t get how the Irish have such great PR. I could go right and buy “KISS ME, I AM IRISH!” and other idiot shirts with no problem. If I wanted to show the Welsh off I would be fucked. It’s as if I am meant to hide it.
I’ve started Welsh Awareness Day but after I mention Cardiff and Doctor Who/Torchwood I am into the stories of my dad’s side of the family and doing the cause little good. Except making it clear they aren’t people to start a fight with unless you want to get knifed.
Too funny! xo
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