"That was a great lunch Adric. Sorry you forgot your wallet… again. We'll have to do it again soon."
I had to appear smooth. Like making her pay I had to project the cool guy image. I just nodded my head. This could work but we can't have any of that David Letterman stuff here. I would have to plant a stapler in her purse and alert security that she was klepto. If this was going to work she could not see me having lunch with other women (and her replacement).
"Mister Adric, your daughter is in your office." Ron at the security desk said.
Wow! My little girl. How old was she now? 8? 15? 24? Not important, the important thing is I was glad to see my baby girl. My little hairy baby girl sitting at my desk licking herself.
"Hi daddy!"
"Eggy. This has to stop. You are my cat. You cannot keep showing up at work.".
"I need the code."
"Huh?"
"For this" she says handing me a printout.
"I've seen it. Not a very good MILF movie"
"NO! This!" she says with a seemingly impossible stack of papers you would never expect a cat to carry. "But I can't get past this."
"Do you know why that code is required?"
"Because you are a cheap bastard?"
"No. Because someone ran up a $500 cable bill"
"So… no code Daddy?"
"I am not your daddy and no- I am not paying for that crap."
"Final answer Daddy?"
"Final answer."
"NO DADDY!!!" she begins to yell. "I AM KEEPING MY BABY!" Oh fuck.
"Eggy. Stop it. I have to work with these people."
"I AM KEEPING MY BABY. OUR BABY!"
"1-2-3-4"
"Wow. Really?"
"Yes. 1-2-3-4"
"I need money for popcorn"
"Here is five dollars"
"Did I say shitty microwave popcorn?"
"Here is ten"
"I want the flavored kind"
"Here is twenty. Please go."
"Love you Daddy!" she says walking out. I see all the sympathetic eyes look at her and then as she exits turning to me with hate. There is only one thing to do
"Supply, this is Chip."
"Hi Chip, this is Adric Antfarm. I need you to send up about 40 staplers. Bob in accounting said you could bill them to his cost center."
"Bob had a heart attack last week Mister Antfarm"
"Yes, he did Chip, I mean before he did. Right before he did. I was with him"
"Oh yeah, I remember. You told the paramedics to go away because he was doing his Fred Sanford impression"
"Well…. look Chip. Hindsight is always 20/20. Wait… why am I explaining myself to you? Get those fucking staplers up her now. And you need to distract some people while I slip them in purses"
"Yes sir"
Comments on this entry are closed.